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Whether it’s expected or sudden, losing a partner is always a devastating heartbreak. The finality of the loss of the love of your life, and the idea that you will move forward in the world without them by your side, might be one of the most difficult challenges you will face. If you’ve suffered the […]
Whether it’s expected or sudden, losing a partner is always a devastating heartbreak. The finality of the loss of the love of your life, and the idea that you will move forward in the world without them by your side, might be one of the most difficult challenges you will face.
If you’ve suffered the death of a significant other, have grieved and come up on the other side, you may be at a point where you want to find love again. You might have feelings of fear, anxiety, or even guilt, and you’re not sure how (or if) you should start dating again. Read on for some advice that can help you begin the process of starting over.
There’s No Timeline
In grief, there’s no handbook or checklist; how you mourn and move forward is completely personal. Whether it takes you 3 months or 3 years, your timeline is your own. When you begin to feel the sadness lift, and you find yourself yearning to share your life with someone again, it is probably time to begin the process of dating. Sharing every day with someone is a very intimate and special experience, and it’s healthy and natural for you to move forward with your life in a positive way.
Letting Go of Guilt
While it’s important to take the time to heal and recover from this devastating loss, it’s also important not to prolong the period of mourning. Your partner would not want you to live the rest of your days in sorrow. If you find yourself feeling guilty, know that your feelings are natural, but know also that you deserve to be happy.
Family Expectations
Your children and other family members who are also grieving the loss of your spouse may not be ready for you to date again. While it’s important to be sensitive to their grieving process, you must also remind them that it’s your decision to make. Keep in mind that their journey of grief is personal to them. As you remain sensitive to their process of mourning, remain true to yourself and move forward when you are ready.
Overall, when you begin dating again is an entirely personal choice. As someone who has suffered such an incredible loss, it can be a difficult decision; but it’s a decision that is only yours to make. Moving on with your life doesn’t erase the memories of the past, nor does it do a disservice to the spouse that you loved and lost. A new relationship will bring you joy and happiness, creating more loving memories you can add to your life.
Are you struggling to move on after the death of a significant other, and need support and guidance? A licensed therapist can help. Call my office any time, and let’s schedule a time to talk.
A diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s is often a terrifying event for the patient and their family. Slowly losing one’s memories to the point of not recognizing loved ones is a future none of us want to experience. But science is now finding that these cognitive diseases may be preventable through the practice of daily […]
A diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s is often a terrifying event for the patient and their family. Slowly losing one’s memories to the point of not recognizing loved ones is a future none of us want to experience. But science is now finding that these cognitive diseases may be preventable through the practice of daily meditation.
Prescribing Meditation
A recent study from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center has found that meditation can dramatically slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease. Adults between the ages of 55 and 90 were divided into two groups. One group received regular care while the other group also practiced meditation and yoga for at least two hours each week.
The researchers found that the group who practiced meditation and yoga each week had significantly less atrophy in the brain, as well as better brain connectivity, than the control group.
In another study, an international team of scientists looked at the brain scans of 50 American men and women who meditated regularly along with brain scans of 50 Americans who did not practice any form of meditation. The findings were startling.
The brain scans of those Americans who did not meditate showed a brain age the same as the person’s actual age. However, the brain scans of those people who regularly meditated were, on average, 7 years younger than the person’s actual age. Researcher Christian Gaser from Jena University Hospital in Germany said of their findings:
“These findings suggest that meditation is beneficial for brain preservation, with a slower rate of brain aging throughout life.”
Other Benefits of Meditation
While the findings of meditation’s impact on the progression of dementia are fairly recent, the brain boosting benefits of meditation have been shown consistently over the last 20 years. Science now suggests that meditation has the ability to:
• Increase protective tissues in the brain
• Prevent atrophy in the hippocampus
• Alleviate stress and anxiety
• Help seniors feel less isolated and lonely
• Increase grey matter in the brain as well as cortical thickness, which is associated with memory and decision-making
Tips on Getting Started with Meditation
Meditation comes easier to some than others. And that’s okay. To get started, there are simply three things you need to understand:
It’s a Practice
They call meditation a practice because there is no perfection involved here. You simply commit to meditating each day and you do the best you can do. It’s not easy quieting all of the mind chatter, as you’ll learn. Just keep at it and you will have your breakthroughs.
Start Slow
You don’t need to start off meditating each day for 20 minutes. In fact, I would recommend that you don’t do that, as you’ll more than likely find it very hard to quiet your mind for that long and you’ll become frustrated. Start with 3 minutes each day. That’s it. Slowly move the time up as you become more comfortable with your practice.
Meditation Should be Fun!
Meditating shouldn’t feel like a chore or something you are forcing yourself to do each day. You should look forward to this quiet time.
The mistake many beginners make is thinking there is only one way to meditate, and that is focusing on your breath. But that’s simply not true.
Yes, many practitioners do focus on their breathing (called mindfulness breathing), but some people focus on the sounds in the immediate area, others gaze at an image or into the flame of a candle, and still others take meditative walks, focusing solely on the movement of walking.
Do some experimentation and find what works best for you and is the most fun.
As we age, it becomes more and more important to take care of our brains. Meditation may be one of the most important things you can do!
They say that with age comes wisdom, and for some, that may be true. But with age also comes some very big challenges. In addition to dealing with the onset of disease and physical disabilities, older people must face loss: the loss of a spouse, loss of friends, loss of siblings, and even the loss […]
They say that with age comes wisdom, and for some, that may be true. But with age also comes some very big challenges. In addition to dealing with the onset of disease and physical disabilities, older people must face loss: the loss of a spouse, loss of friends, loss of siblings, and even the loss of memories.
“Getting old is not for sissies.” – Bette Davis
When you consider all of this loss, it’s not surprising that aging and depression often go hand-in-hand. While feeling sadness over these losses is a normal part of life, some people experience profound depression.
But, if earlier in your life you never really experienced depression, how do you know the difference between it and sadness? Here are some signs of depression:
At some time in our lives, most of us have experienced one or two of these symptoms. But when you experience more than one or two at a time, and these feelings linger and deepen, that is a clear indicator of depression.
Beating Depression Will Require Trust
When someone who has faced so much loss becomes depressed, what can they do to feel better? The answer to that question is to seek the help of a therapist who can help you navigate your emotions, offer tools for mood management and even prescribe medications if they feel it will help.
But there lies the conundrum.
Those suffering from depression often feel helpless, that is to say, they feel they are beyond being helped. When a person feels that no one and nothing can help them, they will not seek help and refuse it when it is offered. In fact, some depressed people even become angered when loved ones try to help.
This is when trust becomes a vital component to getting well. Older people have spent a lifetime forming relationships with family and friends. They know the connection and love is genuine. Therefor they must trust that when a loved one comes to them and says, “I love you and I’m concerned. I think you’re depressed and you need some help…” they recognize they are coming from a loving place and trust they want what’s best for them.
If you yourself have tried to help an older loved one but they refuse to listen, consider having someone else they might trust even more speak with them. This could be an old colleague, their doctor, or your local pastor. And sometimes you may just have to get a group together and have an intervention.
If you or a loved one is suffering from depression, you can feel better. You can remember that life is worth living, even while feeling so much pain and sorrow. If you would like to explore treatment options, please contact me. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may help.